Saturday, April 28, 2012

moving forward with the wheel....

many things spinning and moving, on the precipice of change...a definitely appropriate draw, here...


Yes, changing indeed. A school year is drawing to an end. If I can just get this one last THING done, a period of serious difficulty will mostly be drawing to a conclusion. My current living situation is going to be changing soon. The seasons are changing. My plans for the summer, for next year...so much flux, spin, uncertainty...

The concrete wheel at the forefront, the one made of gold, of things that you can shape, influence, perceive clearly...and behind it, in violent, the wider spinning, the cosmic wheel over which you have no power...the things, positive or negative, deserved or undeserved, that will simply happen... The rise and the fall, some things improving, and others deteriorating...always the spinning of wheels... Nothing can remain as it has been, static, for very long...

Still have those decisions to make, many of them. Have been moving forward and yet...slow-walking it, still uncertain, unable to concretely commit. It's the opportunity cost issue, really. WANTING something so badly and yet, uncertain that in going after it, I'm not giving up the chance to do something I might necessarily want, but which I perhaps NEED. And yet, feeling the chances of getting those needed things are so low anyway...

Jupiter and the Air. A time to fly into the wild, the unknown, the amazing. Perhaps...

You cannot dawdle forever, cannot try to stop the inevitable spinning. The fool, with his green garb, with his power of optimism, of faith in the new, says...just do it. Stop with the questions that have no real answers. Go with the flow of the forward movement. Make it yours, this unstoppable change; shape it. Make it what you want, and not what you would regret. Yes there is danger, of wrong decisions, of things blowing up in your face but...there is always danger, isn't there? Circular, oval rings here too, not a circle but more a spiral...you never quite get back to the same place that you were in, once you leave it and yet...you will return to a similar position, and perhaps the experiences that you gain as the fool will help you proceed forward in other ways as well, eventually, in ways that you cannot see currently...

Yes, a time to leap more enthusiastically. A time to commit, to stop second-guessing, to make my choice and just go with doing the things I need to do to make it happen. A time for prudence, pragmatism right now too. I MUST finish the things I still need to wrap up - that very late paper that has been murdering my brain, exam - and start on all the logistics of moving and packing and cleaning and trying to get things for myself done...so much to do in a short time, if I want commit to this possibility. So many flowers to gently enfold in leaves. Sun in Virgo...optimistic energy directed in pragmatic, material ways. Everyday matters that must be taken care of. Responsibilities and obligations to fulfill, roots to care for...

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